l'esprit d'escalier's Journal

fucking weirdest night ever
ok, i am hereby violating all my principles by stooping so low as to write in LJ, but this was the weirdest thing ever.... maybe it won't be weird to the rest of you, but i'm really fucked up right now, and it was weird for me. if you have no interest in reading this, feel free to fuck off, i don't care, i don't want you to read it anyway

As the party ended, I walked into Daniel's room hoping to smoke before heading back to my apartment. Daniel sat in a swivel chair by his desk, packing a bowl, with Jenn sitting on the couch while Andrew, looking half-asleep, lay sprawled on the couch's other end. Standing idly by, painfully out of place, was a random drunken sorostitute. Daniel took the first hit and passed the bowl to Andrew. Andrew suddenly bolted upright, took a hit, passed the bowl to me, and proceeded to pass out again. As the bowl went around, the sorostitute sat on Daniel's lap. Taking advantage of her drunken state, Daniel began to flirt with her in the creepiest manner possible. And by creepy, I mean like, date rapist creepy. Jenn noticed this as well, and we started talking about how completely weird he was being. Out of nowhere, Andrew shot awake and turned to me in a panic,

"Ben, we gotta get out of here."

..and sprinted for the door, slamming it behind him. Confused as all hell, Jenn and I followed him out into the hallway.

"What the fuck Andrew?"

"Dude, Daniel was fucking that girl in his chair."

Baffled by Andrew's comment, I walked off to the bathroom, passing two girls walking in the other direction, toward Daniel's room. As the bathroom door closed behind me, I heard the girls banging on Daniel's door, yelling for their friend to come out.

I came out of the bathroom to find one of the girls in a heated argument with Daniel's sorostitute. She frantically defended herself, "We were only making out! Nothing else happened."

Mark found me in the hallway and invited me into the TV room to hang out and smoke with them, so I started to follow him. Standing in the kitchen as we walked past was the other of the two girls, crying her eyes out for no apparent reason. Like, hands on face, chest heaving, serious crying.

WHY THE FUCK WAS SHE CRYING??!!

Mark and I went into the TV room and joined Eric, Spencer and Josh who were passing around a bowl. Not too long after I entered, four more random girls walked in. Silently, they strode across the room and sat opposite us. After what was probably a short silence, but feeling excruciatingly long, the girls introduced themselves. Emily, Margaret, girl who's name I can't remember but will be herebyreferred to as "Navajo", and Marla. Emily was clearly beautiful, with Marla a close second. Emily was dark haired and fresh off the tanning bed, whereas Marla was a blonde southern belle. Navajo's looks were as forgettable as her name, while Margaret was hopelessly ugly. She resembled nothing so much as someone whose head was caught in a vice while her face was kicked in repeatedly.

After the typical introductory chit chat, where the girls all claimed to be President of this or that sorority, silence once again fell upon the room. Bravely, Marla spoke up in her adorable southern accent to break the tension.

"I'm on the water skiing team."

Silence.

Finally, all I could muster was a, "....what?"

Marla's face fell. "Why does nobody believe me when I say I'm on the water skiing team?"

Silence.

"I really am, they wrote about us in the school newspaper."

Laughter.

Navajo dove in to aide her drowning friend. "She really is. It's really cool to watch."

Eric, talking completely out of his ass. "I went to a water skiing tournament once."

"Oh, do you remember seeing me?"

"This was like two years ago, I don't think so."

"Oh, too bad, I'm a really good water skiier."

Mark turned to me and said, "Every time they talk, I die a little inside."

So, at this point, having never heard of a water skiing team, and wholely incapable of understanding why the University of Georgia would have such a team, I was completely freaking out. Either this girl was socially retarded, and I felt really bad for her because a) nobody believed her and b) Eric was fucking with her about it, or I she was the funniest person ever, and fucking with us the whole time.

Emily turned to me and goes, "You look like somebody."

Margaret, although ugly...... was also unfortunately stupid. "Well everybody looks like somebody."

"No, but he looks like somebody on TV. Who on TV do you look like?"

"Um.. I don't know," I replied.

"Everybody, who does he look like on TV?"

Nobody spoke for a minute, and then Marla re-entered the conversation.

"I went to Australia with a guy in your fraternity. His name's Adam. We hooked up for a while."

"Adam who?" we replied.

"He's got dark hair, and he's kinda short, but kinda tall."

"Wait, you hooked up with him for a while, you don't know his name, and that's the best description you can come up with?" I inquired.

"Yeah, I gave him my heart, but he didn't give me the time of day. I was really sad."

Emily spoke up again, "Eric, who do you look like? You look like somebody too."

"He's on the water skiing team," I replied.

"Why are y'all making fun of the water skiing team? It's really fun," Marla said sadly, adding on, "Do y'all have any more pot?"

Spencer, holding the pot, packed another bowl and handed it to the girls.

Suddenly, Margaret said, "He looks like Lamis!"

"I look like a lameass?"

"No," Emily explained, "Our friend, his last name is Lamis. L-A-M-I-S. You do look like him. He's my ex boyfriend."

"Oh," Eric responded, "your ex boyfriend sounds pretty cool then."

Navajo spoke up for the first time in a while. "There's a volleyball net outside."

At which point Emily got all excited. "Oohh, will you play volleyball with us tomorrow? Me and Margaret were on the varsity volleyball team in high school."

Marla, still seeming upset, "I never played volleyball, I just water skiied."

The conversation continued along these lines for a little longer till the girls got up to go to the bathroom, and never came back. Thank the fuck god.

I have no idea what the fuck any of that was about, I was so fucking confused. Why the fuck was one random girl crying in the kitchen? and Water Skiing? I look like someone on TV? Volleyball? WHAT THE FUCK? All I could do was laugh uncomfortably and murmer a confused "What?" under my breath. I don't know if i probably described the complete and horrible weirdness of the evening, but I swear to god it was the most awkward and bizarre experience of my life. I'm so confused. Somebody... somewhere.... help me..